Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize