I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize