Sponge bath it is.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
