does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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