kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
