I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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