Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
