How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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