you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Randomize