Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
