who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got chris browned last night
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
