the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize