you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
