New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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