Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
