He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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