He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
