I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
