I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize