She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
