ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
