If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
