He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
