"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize