i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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