If that was your dad, he is hot
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
