How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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