Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
