what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize