He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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