I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
