Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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