remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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