i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
