I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
