3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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