I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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