There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
