youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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