do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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