My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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