I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
