Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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