Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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