cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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