Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
high people should be assigned attendants
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
