just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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