I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize