I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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