Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
