I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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