Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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