im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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