I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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