dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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