This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
