someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize