I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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