return my video game
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
