you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This baby is an asshole
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
