i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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