hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
