I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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