Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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