my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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