If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
