I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
