No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I touched a dick in church today
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
