After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
