Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
