I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
