Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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