I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize