Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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