We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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